Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough tocarry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren’table to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everythingfor her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

Letter to the bank

Monday, November 10th, 2008

Dear Sir/Madam,

One of my cheques was returned marked “insufficient funds”. In view of current market developments in the banking market, does that refer to me or to you?

Regards,

Med-school joke

Sunday, November 9th, 2008

A math professor was explaining a particularly complicated calculus concept to his class when a frustrated pre-med student interrupts him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” the pre-med blurts out. The professor pauses, and answers matter-of-factly: “Because math saves lives.” “How?” demanded the student. “How on Earth does calculus save lives?” “Because,” replied the professor, “it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

Chuck Norris Facts

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

* There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.* Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.* Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.* Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.* Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.* Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.* Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.* If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ 

OPINIONS about Cops

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

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LOL!!!

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

copy and paste from xkcd.com

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Why I fired by secretary today

Sunday, June 1st, 2008

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy birthday!”, and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy birthday”.

I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn’t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, “Good morning boss, happy birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just you and me”.

I said, “Thanks Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”

I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”

She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”.

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back”.

“OK”, I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake… followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there…

On the couch…

Naked…

Cheap GPS

Sunday, May 18th, 2008

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Funniest Aussie Joke for a Long Time!

Saturday, April 12th, 2008

Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of Living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near to Mt Isa. A Few days after moving in the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region, so he goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’, he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another ‘Chinese custom’, he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the bull’s bum.

The Aussie bloke can’t handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says ‘Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese Customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull’s bum, it could just about shit on you.

The Chinese man is very taken back and says ‘Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs’.

‘What do you mean mate’ says the Aussie, ‘Those aren’t Australian customs.’
‘Yes they are’, replied the Chinese man, ‘man at travel agent tell me’. ‘ He say, to become true Australian, I learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen to bull-shit’.

The ultimate cell-phone add-on

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

ELMO

Friday, February 22nd, 2008

Elmo doll says “Kill!”… Supposedly the doll can be programmed with new names and certain phrases via PC. 

A WebComic site

Friday, February 1st, 2008

A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

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10 Badass Moments From the Wussiest Characters

Sunday, January 27th, 2008

Even the most cowardly men get our time to shine. Watch as these backboneless boobs channel their inner badass.

“If I can get off for murder, this trial should go no further.”

Sunday, January 27th, 2008

Rhymes for the New O.J. Trial….  

True or False Test

Sunday, January 27th, 2008

I just remembered this joke that someone else told me. A blonde reported for final examination which consisted of “true/false” type questions. She took her seat, stared at the question paper for five minutes and then took a coin from her purse and started tossing the coin the marking the answer sheet. True = Heads, False = Tails. She finished the test in half an hour while the rest of the class was struggling to finish the test. During the last few minutes, she started to panic throwing the coin repeatedly. The teacher approached her and asked her what was going on. She responded by saying “I finished the exam in half an hour and I am rechecking my answers.”  Guess who the blonde was?? ==> Aimee…LOL!! i’m just j/k